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at this hour i could have been sleeping so peacefully... or doing my assignment which i intended to do -.-"
instead, im stuck on fb.. and get lost in memories..
i feel like i could reminisce forever..
there's just so much memories in my life! good and bad..
i know i know memories are just something to reminisce.. and right now is the wrong time to reminisce i know i know...
but i cant control myself.... duhhhhhhhh.....
my assignment supposed to be handed in last friday, and now i havent even start...
it's been 4 days late already, and i lost 8% of my marks already... its a report of 3000 words and i've chosen my own topic which is dive tourism and im so confused to start and find the information..
im gonna die... i have to do really well in this assignment then... i wont repeat the same mistake!!

but thennnnn why is it so hard to start? why there are so many distractions?
why must at this time im writing my blog??
sighs
i dunno myself either...

im going to be 22 in 7 more days...
getting old already.. and im still not that mature yet??
and i still havent plan my future yet??
im a very last minute person.. but i dun wan to plan my future in the very last minute also??
aiyoo...

thinking back... there are many things happened in my life..
some stoopid mistakes that i regret...
happy times that i wish i can go back to...
sad and hard times which made me stronger...
friends.. family.. exs.. enemies.. boyfriend.. workmates.. flatmates..
feel annoyed, angry, excited, happy..
at the end of the day it makes me who i am today..

im feeling grateful of what i have today..
and i wish i can live my life happily and achieve all that i need to achieve.
make my parents proud and myself proud.

haha

i feel strange.
im writing about contradicting things.
make my parents proud/havent even start assignment
funny ay..

ohwell

im realizing something..

i started to talk like my sayang

O.O

with the ay and ohwell and oh oh

hahaha....

anyways, me and him is now been separated by distance 1 month already!!
and i still love him as much as before...
cant wait to meet him again!
i miss him a lot.....
suddenly remember a quote "distance means nothing if someone means so much!"
nice one right...

hmmpphhhhhhh....

ahhhh there's so many things better to think of than assignment...... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........

bye for now then = =

i love him a lot.... :(
i dunno whether its the right thing to do or not..
and i cant even control my feeling...
argghhhhhhh.....
why there are so many things i cant change......
i wanna be with him i wanna be with him i wanna be with him O.O
so sad everytime think about my relationship with him...
are we doing the correct thing just go with the flow?
or we should have stop earlier?
or we should stop now than later?
or we can be together happily ever after?
arrrggghhhhhhhhh..........
why do ppl care so much abt what other ppl say?
why do ppl care so much about different races, cultures, religions?
why cant two people be together happily without thinking about those external factors?
i really dunno what to do now....
hate hate really HATE long distance!!!!!!
i love him!!

im so not in a good mood right now..really feeling messed up....
hmmmpppphhhh...... dunno how to express my feeling..
im together with this guy now, he's really nice.. im in love....
we started slowly... as we get closer, get to know each other more, the more im falling for him..
he's my best friend and my love too... but sadly there are many external factors that make it hard for us to be together.. e.g. my parents, and long distance.. (if we're still going to be together until then... )
but all in all, i didnt really care about that right now, coz im in love with him and i feel really happy when im with him.. i can be my self when im with him, feel very comfortable talking and spending time together...
haiz..... i just realized.. the more im fallin for someone, the worse i can be..
it's like the inside of me that i cant control..
i really dun wan to make things worse between me and him..
im stubborn, demanding, selfish..
when im more in love with someone, i feel like i want him more and more..
wan to get close with him as much time as i can..
some more in this case, this guy that im falling more in love with, he's going back for good in the next 20 days.. so literally i only got 20 days to be close with him..
i really want really really want so much to spend those 20 days with him all the time..
i know i cant do that.. he got his life, not just me.. he also want to spend time with his friends..
but i dunno why im so selfish like that..
2 days ago we argued, but the problem solved that time.. coz he finally came to see me..
yesterday again.. cancelled last minute becoz his friend got problem.. i know i shouldnt be angry or anything, but i just couldnt control my feelings my emotions.. im not happy with that.. he could have informed me earlier that he wont come to stay over..  and im still not happy with that until the other day which is today..
i was hoping that today he will make it up for me becoz of yesterday he didnt come.. but he didnt.. which upset me more today...
the whole day i was waiting for him to find me, or at least make any effort to meet me?
which he did a little bit when he asked me to come to city earlier before i go to work, but apparently when he bbm me i was sleeping so i read the msg late..
and today supposedly he is staying over at my place again.. and yet he didnt again..
today at work i was thinking oh maybe he will stay over tonight and all the problem solved.. coz all the way what i wanted is just to be with him, spend time with him..
i was disappointed when he feels nothing happened, and ask me to come to his place to watch movie together with his friends too... i thought he is going to meet me and come with me..
and when he asked me that time i said no i didnt wan to go.. i said if he wants to meet me then he should be the one who come and meet me..
then there's one thing that makes me more n more disappointed with him.. when he asked me should we end this?
im like.. just becoz of this?? i know i shouldnt over reacted ystdy when he cancelled last minute becoz of his friend.. but i was hoping that today he will make it up for me and meet me.. and he didnt so i was upset again..
but i never thought that he would ask that question..
of course i dun wan to end this just becoz of this small matter.. but i didnt answer like that.. i said up to him..
he didnt make any effort today to come and find me or meet me after the last minute cancellation..
which made me think that im not that important to him.. his friends are..
he can even still spend time with his friends watch movie, without thinking how i feel?
how bad i want to meet him, spend time with him from yesterday??
haiz...
i even come and find him at last after he rejected me, he asked me not to find him coz nothing to talk and he would get mad if he talk with me..
i said sorry and lets just forget about the problem and move on..
and he didnt agree.. he said just forget it like that???
then im so pissed.. i just walked away.. i mean i already ask him nicely ok lets forget about this.. and he answered me like that??
then when i was walking back im thinking again.. oh well maybe i shouldnt walk away..
then i asked him how to resolve that problem then if he cant just forget?
he didnt answer, didnt reply and even switched off his phone..
oh well so this is just how much i meant to him.. after all this time i thought he is different..
after the very bad broken heart times, he helped me get through all and i start to fall for him..
"thought love was dead but now you're changing my mind"
..........
and this is how i only meant for him..... so fast ask me to end??
im just so disappointed.. so upset.....

im just hoping too much from him , hoping that he would feel the same way as i do for him..
and he is not.. :(
its only me who want to spend time with him together..

im so sad..... :'(

i just found out that my huge turn off by a guy happens when he's wearing a short tight bicycle pants..
that's a big NO NO for me.
oh well there's an exception.
unless that guy has a REALLY hot body well, maybe that might be acceptable.
but when he is not, better don't ever ever wear that short tight one.
long one will be better than the short one at least, but still it's not my type.

and it happened to me this afternoon.
i mean i dun judge people physically though.
i dun mind being together with a guy who is not handsome, who is skinny or fat or short or tall.
as long as he is healthy, proportional.
but i dunno, i think look is still important.
the way he dress, the way he style his hair, as long as he knows how to look good.
but i met him today, with his short n tight bicycle pants..
hmmm that really turned me off. even if he is really riding a bike, but then... ew ewww
i mean he didnt look good at all in those short n tight bicycle pants.
oh well maybe that's only my opinion though.
and it is finely acceptable coz im writing in my own blog. hehehe.
really really turned me off
at that time i wished that i would never meet somebody that i know honestly..
coz i would be embarassed if ppl think that he is my bf with short tight bicycle pants which is not my bf for sure.
and luckily i didnt meet anyone i know.. hmm and we're meeting just for a while.
fiuhzz... relieved..

like in the drama i was watching lately, "the modern family"
there's one topic abt bicycle pants. when Cam was wearing short tight bicycle pants and his gay partner didnt like it, but he didnt know how to tell Cam..

but that is not related to me though..
this guy is not my partner or my bf or anything.
so i got no rights to tell him abt anything right?
and also its up to him what he wants to wear if he thinks that he looks good in those short tight bicycle pants then so be it :)

that's just my experience of a huge turn off today

its been a long long time since the last time i updated this blog.
tsk tsk.
so many things happened in the past few months.
ups and downs for sure.
hmmm...
so where should i start again?
oh well..
this year back to full time study again.
still working at the same place but only part time 20 hrs a week which is not bad.
been busying with bloody hell assignments again.
sighz...
and im single..
bad news or good news??
he broke up with me AGAIN last month i think..
hmm.. it was really hard back then.
but now i get over it already although sometimes still reminiscing the times when we were together..
sad.. but think of it from the positive side..
maybe im better off without him :)
great times i had with him in the past 2.2 yrs relationship.
so many first times i had with him.
which is all become unforgettable memories now.

if thinking about future.. i still dunno what i wanna do next year after i graduate?
hopefully end of this year i pass all the subjects and graduate.
maybe stay here working full time?
or in singapore?
or learn mandarin in china??
im in dilemma..
im kinda loving melbourne now. with the weather, money, food, lifestyle here..
but then i also love singapore, close with indo, safe place, good public transport service, food..
love melbourne, but bored too at the same time. wth???!?
so vania n me talked about it, and make plan maybe next year we go to shanghai learn mandarin just for 6 months with our own money?
just to learn mandarin and enjoying life basically.. hehe for 6 months.
cheap shopping, food.
and then after that we go to singapore together find a job there.
sounds good?
not sure.

the weather is starting to get cold now in melbourne.
and im loving it! cant believe it.
for the past 2 yrs ive been hating cold and winter a lot and cant wait for summer hot weather.
but this time is different. or maybe coz im thinking that this year might be my last year here so i need to enjoy it a lot?
maybe.
i also just got my first leather boots. haha. finally.
after 2 yrs in melbourne, only buy real leather boots.
its really comfy, i love it so much.
regret why dont just from the first time i reach melbourne i just buy boots.
tsk tsk...
but no regrets :) im loving everything i have right now.. hohoho..

ohh ya lately one biggest issue i had is love life.
other than the break up thingy.
its my best guy friend. after he said he got feelings on me.
everything just change a lot, become worse actually.
coz we cant be together anyway.
im sad to lose him as my good friend.
he is going back for good in august coz there's something happen with his dad n he wants to spend more time with his dad.
but then my relationship with him is just getting worse and worse.
i want to be there for him when he is sad.
but then he is also too childish at the same time.
yes he is 3 yrs younger than me and he is sooo moody, sensitive and childish.
at first i can take it everytime he become so childish, but after sometime, i also couldnt take it anymore.
so just let him be. anything he wants to do i wont say anything and wont bother.
i just wish u the best my friend! :)

then the new guy.
i enjoy talking with him. he is fun. but annoying as well =.=
he said he likes me, i like him too.
i just dun wan to be in a relationship.
its nice having someone who cares about you.
but then i also know that he is not the one.
i dun wan to fell into the same hole again.
im still 21.. coming 22.. still quite young i gues.. hehe..
my life has just begin!! i just wan to have fun first..
unless if i meet the one :)
wheres my princeeee come here faster...!!

its been soooo long since the last time i updated this blog.. well.. now im updating it coz i got time n got something that is stuck in mind bothering me and i need to let it out..

i just read from my previous post, the article about marriage that one, that love is a decision.
and i totally agree with that. it is not just a feeling that u can feel it, then after the feeling is gone then no love already.

of course at first its a feeling, thats why called "falling in love" that the feeling just come out of no where, but afterwards, it is not just a feeling anymore.

today i had this argument with him, just because of a small thing only. that the way i do, manage my time, he said is not right, and i admit that he is right, i never manage my time properly.
i know, but its just a small thing that is not important that can relate to my work or my studies, or my anything else. he shouldnt be complaining like that and argue so much with me.

well, that is past then i cant change anything with that, so i said to him that there will be no next time.

but other thing that suddenly come out in my mind again after that argument, is that why he is always complaining about me? about the way i do things, about the way im spending money, about my attitude, about the way i think, about how i manage my time, about how i come early n finish late at my work? and other things that i forget to mention.

i mean, its ok for him to say what he doesnt like from me and what things he want me to change. but then there are sooo many. this is happening since we're just be together. and how can i change what has already built inside me since i was a kid?

if there are soooo many things that he hate from me, that he want me to change. at the first place then why he choose to be with me? if he say im still young, i havent seen the world enough, i havent meet the people much enough, i havent experienced enough. im only 2 yrs younger than him. in that  2 years maybe  i can be better. hopefully. matured as what he think is mature enough.

he told me not to ask him why he still wan to be with me.

i know he loves me, and he wants me to be better. but then there is too much things that he wants me to be better. i know im not that good enough, but im not that bad also :)

i know how hard it is to earn money, to make for a living, wake up in the middle of the cold night to go to work and finish late. i feel that too. working with people that are annoying, the no action talk only people, i work with those kind of people too. i know maybe not as much as him, not as experienced as him. but at least i also know how hard it is.

so if i spend money also not just spend so easy as if i throw the money away for a useless things. not that i waste my parent's money or his money. i use my own money to spend, and i also never use my own money to spend on useless things.

like last time when i go to singapore just to meet him for few days, he said that it was just a waste of money.
i never think like that. i do it is because i want our relationship to be better last time. he never know what i did before i went there. i really2 saved money for that last time. that time i was just got fired also. i really control what i spend. spend the least as i can for the basic needs only. i dont want to use my parent's money for that. i think i did a lot for that just to meet him. and he also never appreciate it. still say im wasting money. and one month after, also break up with me. at least he appreciate it, just dont care about how i spend my money and just be happy with it. i dun care about how much i spend just to be with him for a while, why should he care?

well, im trying to forget that. just let it go. just think that im happy to meet him and thats it. its also the past anyway.

he is just complaining too much about me. too much of me that he wants me to change.

at least i never lied to him. at least i never get close with any guy and betray him.
at least i never lied to him that i never get close with any guy, but then the next day he find out the pictures that i am holding another guy, or i hug another half naked guy with bikini
at least i never let him called me 55 times and i never pick up just because im sleeping, or even 25 times also i never
at least i never ask him to change so much of himself, his attitude, his way of living.

every time i ask him why he love me, he always say because the feeling is just there, no other reason.
so when the feeling is gone then he will stop loving me? if so then this is just only like a bomb which can explode any time and i cant anticipate. so should i start anticipating from now? but i think i cant do that, coz i too love him already, i dun even know how can i get out from this. so i guess if the bomb explodes, there is no other way to run already, just can explode with the bomb.

think of the other way, maybe all of this problem is because of the long distance also. so thats why i want him to come next april. coz there is no other way that i can go there before i graduate. so lets see next year hope it will be better for us.

i really love him, i dun wan to lose him.

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here...
Those who are already married or in a commitment may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) .

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationsh ip for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSH IP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationsh ip work. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.


Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"love.

Love is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. You'll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
FW: Ruth Beltran

"Marriage is more than saying I Do. Marriage, like a precious plant, needs constant tending for it to grow, flourish, and bear fruti to last a lifetime, and beyond."
-David and Evelyn Feliciano

Location: Melbourne, AU
Hometown: Bali, Indonesia


to be close with my baby!
to graduate sooner ==
a holiday with him
prada wallet
tory burch flats
loads n loads of money




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Sherly Gunawan



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