i am happy about my purchasing first assignment result.. hehe.. i really never expect i got mark.. its not high, but if compare to others, considered high.. i got 73, and the highest is 76.. n the rest of the classmates that i see got around 50 or 60.. hmm.. if i got good mark, makes me more motivated to do assignments.. coz it can prove that actually i can do it quite well if i put effort on it.. even though i do it quite last minute, but as long as im serious while doing, i can do it also..~
hmm nobody to talk to share so i just can share with my only blog..
now i dun hv him to talk already..
i got nobody to share when i feel happy i got good result..
nobody to talk when i cant sleep at night..
nobody calms me down when my brain feels like bursting out..
nobody to tell me my stupid things that ive done..
nobody to rely on when i feel down..
ya maybe i just need to get use to it, face the reality that really infront of my eye now..
even though i really hope that i can turn back the time, and change myself better..
i cant always live in my own comfort zone..
i realize that im not a good gf, thanks for opening my eye..
i will try to change, i will definetely try my best to change to be a better person for everyone..
after all that we've been through, with all those fights n quarrels..
i know actually all the problem came from me, if i never make all those small things big, then there is no today..
i shouldnt be so hard..
shouldnt be so stubborn n selfish..
but i think i become so hard like that is becoz im too scare to lose him.. too love him..
since we r far.. i cant trust him like last time.. and its my bad why i cant just trust him..
if i hope now that we can be together again and happy like last time, am i too selfish to ask for that?
i dunno.. i want to ask him again about that.. but im waiting fot the right time..
im so afraid if he rejects me again..
i really dunno what is the best for me and him.. be together or not to be together?
long distance.. my bad attitude.. no trust.. cant make each other happy.. dunno hows the future..
but i love him.. i love him so much.. really really in love with him..i want to be with him..
he is my first real true love.. i never feel like this before..
from that time break up, i really cant let go of him..
and when he ask me to be together with him again..
i really scare that he will leave me again, but i really want to be with him..
so i dunno what should i do..
and ysterday i said maybe we better not to be together again..
i scare i made the wrong decision.. coz the fact is that i still really love him..
i want him.. i want to be together with him..
should i just follow what i feel in my heart?
or should i think logically with my mind?
i really confused..
with all the memories with him, are the best thing that ever happen in my life..
i never regret that i ever know him and have him as my bf..
never regret everything that ever happen between us..
i only regret why i was so hard on him until make him hate me more.. T-T
im sorry..
i know just a sorry cant change every thing..
but i just want to say sorry to him, for all that i ever did to him, all the sad, bad things that i ever done to him..
if we got the chance to be together again, i promise i will try all my best to change..
forget everything about the past and really be a new me, that can be the sweet gf he always wanted..
and i hope he also will try to understand me more..
and we both can control our emotions..
and at last be a happy couple..
but if we cant be together, i just hope that he will be happy..
without me that always be a burden to him..
i love you baby.. really love you deeply from my heart..
to graduate sooner ==
Sherly Gunawan
February 2010