because of love.. it ever made me feel so high, feel like flying in happiness..
and because of love also.. it makes me fall down, really deep down until i dunno where to stand again..
i know it doesnt make me die, but it cannot make me live like before..
there is always a big crack in my heart that wont heal..
coz the broken pieces of my heart are already tore up..
im in pain..
i try so hard to let go, if that really can make him happy..
i try so hard, not to annoy him, to understand how he feel..
everyday, i still dream about him..
when i wake up, i feel so sad coz i need to wake up to reality..
knowing that i cant have him like in my dream..
im trying so hard, not to contact with him..
im holding myself so hard not to call him..
but the feeling just to hear his voice is so damn hard to hold..
just to hear his voice, just to talk with him for a while, really can cover up my pain a bit..
im really trying so hard to do wat he wants me to do now..
he wants space, freedom, there i give him..
my last wish for him is that only i want to feel back again the feeling when we're still be together for one last time..
and thats what motivates me to live good for now..thinking that i can be with him for one last time later..
after that then he will get everything that he wants..
he can go for his future without any disturb from me anymore..
he wont get any stress from me anymore..
its ok if only me who will feel all the pain inside..
as long as he is happy without me, then thats all i can do to make him happy..
let me bear this feeling of sadness, pain, loosing of myself alone..
there's no one to help me i know.. and i hope that im that strong to live with all of those feelings..
the only hope for me is him, but now that i have lost him..
i only can wish that he will be happy without me, so he wont feel annoyed anymore..
to graduate sooner ==
Sherly Gunawan
February 2010