ok. today is 15 august, which is exactly one month post break up.
exactly two months after i met him in singapore.
exactly one year and seven months anniversary, but we r not together now so no more anniversaries.
it had stopped last month exactly one year and six months we had been together.
the date we chose to be together, that is the date he chose to end it.
people say as time goes by, i will get better and be okay.
now one month pass, i still feel just the same when he just said break up.
so should i wait for another month just to start to get better?
or another two or three months in misery?
or perhaps another year or two?
should i wait for miracle that can just take me out from this hell?
coz i really tried so hard already to get out my self but i cant.
or i should not wait and just get out the easiest and fastest my way?
ohhhhhhh im so sick of this, i really cant bare it anymore longer.
everyday im just trying to let it go, let everything else take me away from this.
but this is just so hard for me.
nobody can understand me.
i love him.
so much.
more than my self.
more than anything in this world.
dont interrupt me about parents now though.
i love them with all my whole heart and nothing in this world can compare to it.
its a different kind of love, i LOVE him, i also LOVE my parents.
i read in a book, that women dont need man in almost any of the ways that women have needed men over the centuries.
i do not need him to protect me physically, coz i live in one of the safest societies on earth.
i do not need him to provide me financially, coz i always been the winner of my own bread.
i do not need him to extend my circle of kinship, coz i have a rich community of friends and family all on my own.
i do not need him to father my children, coz technology and the permissiveness of a liberal society would permit me to secure babies through other means and to raise them alone.
so why do i need this man at all?
i need him coz i happen to adore him,
because his company brings me gladness and comfort, and happiness.
"sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone"
i need him for my companionship.
it seems like a lot, but it isnt much at all;
it is only LOVE.
but it seems like a hell too much for him though :(
im going crazy.
or maybe i AM crazy.
it hit me like a hurricane when he left me.
but I'd do it all again for him.
I'll walk a thousand miles on broken glass,
it won't stop me from making my way back to him.
It's not real until you feel the pain,
Nothing in the whole wide world
Nothing ever,will ever, will never hurt like him,
Nothing EVER hurt like HIM.
i love him.
hell much.
to graduate sooner ==
Sherly Gunawan
February 2010